Saturday, January 16, 2016

I saw my dad and grandpa in a dream.
It was only for a moment.
I was cooking and they were at the same house, but we didn't speak. We didn't eat. We were just in the same place.
It can be hard, grieving. It comes and goes. Sometimes its like a tide and others just shore break. Pulls you in or just delicately kisses your mind and then retreats.
I miss my dad. Id do anything to go back to those times i thought i was to busy to answer and I'd answer every call.
When he got really sick he stopped calling as much. I saw him only once in yhe 2 weeks before his death.
Why did i distance myself.
There are days that thats the only thing i can think about. It eats at me. He deserved to see hiw much i loves him and i denied him that.
I miss him so much. His humor. His music. His writting.
I didn't keep much of his belongings either. I couldn't go to my grandma home. I didn't know how to deal with the feelings. Now i have his license, a flannel, and a sweatshirt.
That's all, and a bag of photos.
I gave all my pictures to my grandma and I've got none of them back.
It's not important.
I just hope he knows how much i love him still.

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