Tuesday, April 12, 2011


My babe, You are so mighty, in the littlest of ways as well as the biggest of ways.
The boy that you are growing into amazes me constantly.
The love and wonder that radiates from you impacts all those around you.
We took you to the park on the beach right down the street from our house. I can't manage to get you to stop chasing the birds now, It use to be I could never pry you off of the slide, you'd just sit at the bottom after you finished the ride and keep saying "wee" until we picked you back up and put you on the steps, because you didn't like the way sand felt on your feet. Not any more, your off and gone as soon as I plop you down. So when I fnd you doing the things you did months ago, I can't help but cherish them. 
Something new with a mix of the old, when we are driving to work in the morning you say "Weeeeeee." down the off ramps that twist and turn,while you bob your head and nod along with ZZ Top or whatever is on Bob FM.

OH AND....
We took you for his first haircut Ever!
I had gotten so annoyed with hearing how "pretty my little girl is"
It didn't matter if you were dressed in head to toe in green and blue and covered in dirt, he was still "sooo pretty" and it was all beacuse of our "long hair, don't care" attitude.
 So despite my hesitations and wanting to wait till after his 2nd Birthday, we did it.
 And it's sooo awesome, I'm not soo sure why I had wanted to wait, I guess that cliche of long curly baby hair. But it just wasn't workin for us.
With a pouty face!
And on the go!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


I fall asleep as soon as my Tushy touches the bed.
Typically, under any other instance this would be a positive.
Except.... my sex life and "me time" is suffering
I don't know why I'm falling asleep so fast. I know I am not possibly that tired at 9:30 pm. I use to sit in bed and play with my beads or crafts until 11 pm easy, with not even one yawn. If I tried that today I'd fall asleep in the middle of whatever it is that I'm doing. It's become a sad fact, not something that has happened every once in awhile, but every night for the past 2 months.
Example: Folding Laundry, captured by the boyfriend.

I need to wake up man So I can get me some.
I'm usually so eager to hop in the sac at the end of the day and get a lil lovin' or cuddle and watch a movie.
But guess what doesn't happen when I'm snoring by the time my boyfriend is undressed.
None of THIS
I need some of THIS, I call this the RIGHT side of the Bed

Friday, April 1, 2011

New Beginings

Last weekend was Owens first weekend away with his father.

It was rough for me. Aside from breaking out in tears sporadically from Friday at 7 until Sunday at 2, I was also completely unable to sleep waking up almost every other hour, as well as eating my way through everything in sight.

Before he left I insisted on taking tons and tons of pictures of him. The problem was that I wanted pictures of us together, so I kept sticking my fat head in the shot every opportunity I had.
End result: a ton of pictures with half of my head, ruining the shot of his adorable little smile and giggle.

Finally a little light bulb got bright: Just ask my baby to take a picture with me
guess what I got
and he even said "cheese!"
My little Smarty Pants 

Any who, the weeekend went better than I expected, and he came home happy and healthy and sooooooo excited to see me. So last weekend was the first weekend of the rest of my life.

All I know for sure is that he is loved beyond belief by everyone who knows him.

I think there is an instinct that I can't fight, or that any woman can fight off, to protect and provide for their child. Sometimes it's scary the people I feel I need to protect Owen from, sometimes I can't figure out if I'm protecting him from a very real danger or something that he'll never know ever happened, and he better never ever witness with his own eyes.
I hated the idea of overnights with his dad, I fought it all the way and at the end, swallowed my pride and agreed because it had gotten to a point where there was nothing I could do. Apparantly this "cookie cutter" case was just another "same old same" thing for the Juvenille and Domestic courts, as well as the attorney assigned to the case. But still I hate this because they only met my child once, me three times and his father twice, and there is no follow up to make sure they made the right choice for our family 
I've always been candid with my relationship with my sons father, I've never put it on the web, when I had a tumblr, on my facebook, or when myspace was a thing. I've kept it inside, and I'm not sure if thats protecting Owen, myself or his father reputation. But I've found a way to accept what has happened. I had to, to be able to cope with all that I know now and how much continue to find out . Deciept is never easy to handel wether you find out while your in it or afterward. It still hurts.
They say that your first heart-break steals the innocence of love. Its true.
They also say You live and Learn. I learned.
The best way for me to look at this whole thing:
My First Love, gave me the blessing of the Love of My Life, My Son... and then I was given the oppertunity to find the True Love I deserve.

Life is funny.