simple flip

its pretty obvious how one thing can flip moods. for everyone.
but for work its really discouraging.
i did a favor for my boss and got compensated. but i slipped and said checks when i said i needed to go to the bank and i think everyone picked up on it. the vibe is killing me.
we had just squashed the bad energy and now it feels like it is back.
it makes me sad that i messed it up so much.

carrots, tomatoes, green beans, cucumbers, apple tree, blueberry bush,
nets around the garden
bug zappers that dont hurt the bugs
fences
buttercups 3 bags of them, sunflowers, fake snow

what ya get when you ask a 6 year old his plans for the garden

paint vibes

we are painting the hall way.
its currently a dark dlue and were coating it white and will choose a color down the line. but that simple project has eased so much tension we usually feel when discussing home repair. we just so often butt heads. im all list making and prioritizing and hes all one thing at a time or nothing at all.
weve agreed on a kitchen remodel and the two walls we are going to take out next.
we are picking out roof shingles. boring. but neccesary.
im happy.
in two years ill have no more daycare expense. and i can pay off my load for school. and we will have a fresh start.

cleaning house

my kids are out of school for two days so we siezes the opportunity to bug bomb the house.
im "tidying" my closet. sad stuff. sizes to small. worn and stained. i love my clothes so much but its a pain to keep up with everything. throw it out. donate it. miss it. and than accept that im too broke to buy more.its okay.
conscioisly trying to have less. its hard. i want more. but thats just a cycle.
same for the home. we have so many things. a lot are sentimental.

daddy vader

we are hooked on star wars.
ed is obsessed with getting an obi one kenobi figurine.
we gave everyone star wars names too.
owen one kenobi
edi the jedi
daddy vader
they watched the vw commerial and i hope desperatley that they want to be star wars characters for halloween. because that would be adorable!
light sabers.
chewy go gurt. because star wars everything.

if you keep it inside it will consume you

all of it.
accept it for that moment it exists.
acknowledge its validity, if even only  because you felt it briefly.
then let it go.
it served you in some way.
learn.
grow.
where you are be all there.

sleepover

owen stayed at a friends last night.
i love my boy but i know the way he acts with me is most certainly not how he acts with other people.
neither of my boys do.
there is something about me that causes them to be very needy and whine for any and every need. like needing a drink. instead of words he uses this screechy noise. or wanting a turn in a video game. instead of waiting he forcefully grabbed it out of eds hand. after he just got out of time out.
and of course because im the mother that sound drives me absolutley insane.
i think part of owens may be fighting for attention.
i should probably take him on a mommy and me date soon.
its difficult for me. because i want to hug him and tell him i love him because i think thats what he needs. but acting out in that way is just obnoxious and completly makes me not want to so him that affection because i feel like im rewardinh negative behavior.
i love him so much but i dont know how to  help him